Not Without You
by marchingon
Summary: And in truth, he missed her. Plain and simple. Sure he was angry and far from forgiving her. Sure he was conflicted and didn’t know what to do. But it didn’t change the fact that he loved her more than life itself. Addek One Shot


AN: Hey guys. This is a one shot. Meredith's non-existent. Addie staying with Mark's non-existent, too. This is really short, but hopefully sweet. IDK if I did this thing any justice. :) Reviews are great though. Thanks.

I do not own Grey's Anatomy whatsoever. I wish I did, though. If I did, Meredith would've been blown up by that bomb. (Sorry MerDer fans. I'm working on being Meredith friendly, I swear.)

* * *

It wasn't the rain that she hated. It was the memories that sprang from that damp, cold sensation enveloping the surroundings. The night her father died, the day her mother remarried, they night Derek threw her out into the dark; each painful memory had taken place during the rain. Memories she'd rather forget resurface during the rain, leaving her with bouts of insecurity, terror, and loneliness. The rain was melancholy. But she wasn't one to give in to her emotions, not one to be weak or vulnerable. Though every once in a while, she is left with a deep longing to shut the world out and be _human_.

Derek sighed, looking out the window and watching the raindrops fall from the sky. It was raining again, for the fourth day in a row. It was like the heavens were mourning with him, sympathizing with him, with his sorrows. But it was getting tiresome. He hated the rain as much as Addison did. He hated the sound of the gentle pitter-patter, which to others should have been a comforting, lulling sound. He hated the gloominess and dampness. It reminded him of that awful night; the night his wife decided she'd had enough of his absence and decided to screw his best friend. Sure it wasn't all her fault, but it hurt him deeply.

A pained expression crossed his features. It had been a week since he moved to Seattle; a week since that lonely, enraging night. The wounds were still fresh, the pain not turning into a dull ache just yet. His wife of eleven years had betrayed him. And that was hard to get over.

He was angry. He was hurt. He was jealous. But most of all, he was _confused_. He couldn't find a reason for his wife to hurt him the way she did, except for the fact that he had ignored her for a long time. He couldn't understand how she had barely been hanging on a fraying thread of hope as she turned to his best friend for help. He couldn't understand why, as he did worked hard to be the best neurosurgeon in the country, he managed to overlook his beautiful wife. He couldn't understand how he single-handedly drove his wife away, into the arms of another man.

He knew, though, that he was also at fault. And in truth, _he missed her_. Plain and simple. Sure he was angry and far from forgiving her. Sure he was conflicted and didn't know what to do. But it didn't change the fact that he loved her more than life itself, and he had hurt her by forcing her to the extremes, by throwing her out in the rain and losing sight of her importance. _She must have felt alone. And unloved_, he thought.

He closed his eyes in contemplation. Above everything, Addison wasn't petty and inconsequential. Addison was never vindictive, never unsure. She was the epitome of poise, of maturity, of purpose and focus. Addison was rarely impulsive, rarely did anything stupid or unplanned. It saddened him to think that he pushed her to be a person that she wasn't, a person she was far from, a person he knew she would hate.

The pain in his heart was too much now. He couldn't handle being away from her this long. Even when he ignored her in New York, she always made the effort to talk to him, to see him, to remind him that he had a wife to go home to. He couldn't resist her anymore. _He loved her_.

She'd been trying to call him for the past week, constantly. But he had been too busy wallowing in self-pity to think of the worry that probably eating her alive. _He loved her_. Loves her. Will always love her. And that was reason enough for _everything_.

He reached into his back pocket, fumbling for his mobile and hitting speed dial one. He pressed the phone into his ear, waiting anxiously for Addison to pick up.

"Hello?" The voice was shaky.

He closed his eyes the feeling of love and relief washing over him like a wave. The sensation of hearing her voice was so overwhelming. A pool of tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. He was _happy_.

"Addie.." he whispered, hearing her sobbing at the other end of the line. She was no doubt thankful to hear his voice, to know he was safe.

"Derek. You're okay.." she said between sobs, the relief in her voice evident.

"Yeah.. I'm.. safe." He wasn't okay, per se. But he was glad to be in touch with her. He bowed his head slightly. "How are you, Adds?"

Addison was shocked. Was he seriously asking about her? She stuttered. "I'm o-okay. Derek." She paused. "And yourself?"

She had to close her eyes at the pain in his voice.

"I miss you.", he said finally. He said it so simply, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. And in a way, it was; a husband missing his wife after a week without seeing each other. He missed her, in all truth.

Addison had to do a double take to make sure she heard him correctly. Her sobs intensified, and his own tears could no longer be contained. It was true; he missed her so much that it physically hurt him. She was the love of his life; no matter how much pain she's caused him.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I'm…so… sorry.", she choked out, breathing hard as she tried to speak. "I never meant for this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you.", she said honestly.

He could hear the truth in her words. His knees weakened and he had to take a seat before they gave out. Their emotions were at extremes now. His own tears melted into sobs. "I'm sorry, Addie. For pushing you to do this. I know… I know this isn't your fault completely. I know and I'm… I'm sorry." He was choking on his sobs.

"I love you, Derek."

"I love you, too Addison. My Addie. So goddamn much."

There was nothing said between the couple for a while as they sobbed for all it was worth.

"Forgive me, Derek. Please." Addison had never liked begging, but her voice was pleading, and it moved Derek to no end.

Derek closed his eyes, overwhelmed. "Only if you'll forgive me too, Adds."

She sniffed. "Come back to New York, Der. Come home to me."

He didn't respond.

"Please, Derek."

His eyes remained closed as he thought. "I.. bought land out, here, Adds. And I took a job under Richard Webber."

She took a breath but remained quiet, not knowing what he planned. She didn't know if his life intentions included her anymore.

"And I want you here with me.", he said earnestly. He held his breath as he waited for Addison's response. This was a big thing; him inviting her to move to Seattle. Addison had always been the New York type of girl, and she would hate the rain. But maybe, he thought, they could make the rain a happy thing for them. They could build memories here in Seattle, memories that will make rain seem more tolerable, joyful even.

"I honestly don't know what to say, Derek.", she said finally.

"Say you'll live here, with me. We'll start over, in a different city, different scenery. We'll build a home, a family. No baggage, no heartache. Just us. Just the two of us, Adds. I'm not saying it would be perfect, that it wouldn't be hard or painful. But it would be _worth it_." He gathered his thoughts for a moment. "Live in Seattle, with me, Adds. Live here and fight for our marriage. With me."

Addison stayed silent, contemplating. Derek was afraid she'd say no. "This can be our home, Addie." He was beginning to sound desperate.

There was silence.

"Wherever you are Derek.. wherever you are is my home.", she said finally.

That was true. Addison would willingly move half-way across the globe just to be with Derek. Because she loved him with all her heart and she would give up anything for him. She was willing to sacrifice any amount of pleasure to be with him. She wasn't Addison without Derek anymore.

Derek grinned widely, as did Addison.

"We're going to make it, right Derek?"

He smiled, encouraged.

"We're Derek and Addison, honey. _We don't quit_."

* * *

IDK what possessed me to write this. :)) Thanks for reading, though!


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